The school principal threatens to expel the children for playing with dynamite caps. Morticia hears that Sam Hilliard, former truant officer, is now running a private school, Mockridge Hall. She wants to enroll the children. Mockridge Hall is strapped for cash and Mr. Hilliard can't turn down Gomez's offer of $10,000 tuition. Pugsley brings Aristotle to school with him, but when the octopus gave the teacher a hug she was so flustered she rang the fire alarm. Wednesday's teacher was so "excited" to see her pet gila monster that she fainted. Hilliard expels them. Gomez thinks he's cracked under the pressure of the money problems so he buys the school to run it properly. Instead of math and English, there'll be courses in Advanced Headshrinking and Freshman Dynamite. He renames it Addams Hall and Mr. Hilliard resigns immediately, so Morticia persuades Gomez to take over. The parents of the other pupils insist that Mr Hilliard return or they'll take their children out. Morticia is touched by what she perceives as their loyalty to Mr. Hilliard, though they're actually horrified by the new curriculum. Gomez brings him back with a promise not to interfere. Wednesday and Pugsley decide they prefer their old school, and return there.
- Old Erasmus Addams is mentioned, and Dr. Livingston appears.
- When Thing rubs Hilliard's back, when he hands Morticia the telephone, and when he rings the school bell, he is a left hand instead of his usual right.
- Baked Mongoose